New Years Resolution #1

2011 is right around the corner and I think I've got a goal I want to work towards in the new year. Normally I'm not one for resolutions or these forced changes because I don't believe that people (me in particular) can change so quickly, but I guess we'll really get to test out my beliefs with this personal endeavor.

I want to learn how to play basketball. There, I said it.

It's not that I don't know basketball or have ever played it or don't understand it. I do, mostly. I've just never been good at it. From a young age, I assumed one had to this tall and this strong and this whatever to be skilled at basketball. Since I didn't perceive myself as having any of those qualities, I gave up on the game because I didn't see the point in doing something I wasn't going to be able to do well. Defeatist, maybe, but at least I didn't have some warped aspiration to one day go up against Michael Jordan. I'd probably keep butting my head accidentally into his butt.

So I don't know where this recent desire has come from. Maybe it was the phone conversation I had with Kara a few weeks ago when we reminisced about the summer days when we'd play ball at her dad's and she would always be able to pull NBA moves on me. Or maybe it was watching Brendan zone out to a basketball game and occasionally holler out words of encouragement or criticism to the little guys running around on the screen and wondering how he could be so passionate about something that he doesn't share with me. Or maybe it's just because I want to do something that I've really cared to do before because I've been too scared of failing at it.

Well, I'm ready to change it all. In 2011, get ready to be amazed at the 4'11" Dunking Wonder!

Remember This

"Hi love,

And I do mean love. I know I've never felt this way before and I am
sure I won't feel this way ever again. You're the best thing that's
ever happened to me, Judy. I love you, I love you with every pound of
my body and I'll keep loving you until you won't let me anymore.

What you are is so special. I owe so much of the happiness in my life
to having met you. You made California home. I can't imagine walking
so many paths, meeting so many faces and feeling just as comfortable
as I do when I am with you. I never feel shy, never feel embarrassed
to dream and to laugh, to fail and to fall; I don't mind you watching
because I can feel you just loving. Your family made me remember
what I missed about home isn't tied in one place, it's tied to love, a
love that I needed and wouldn't find without you. I need you.

My eyes scan for you, my arms search for you, reach for you, my body
pleads with me to find a way to be next to you."

Bikram Yoga

I finished my 10-day Bikram yoga challenge today. There was something so empowering about lying in Savasana for the last time and really breathing in my accomplishment. Wow, I did ten days straight of Bikram yoga. I amazed myself.

I have definitely noticed a change in my body. My joints and tendons feel like they move more fluidly and my muscles ache like they never have, but it's a pleasurable pain. I feel more in tune with my body and so much more peaceful. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before.

I love the motion of running and I love the burn of resistance training and even regular Hatha yoga helps with flexibility, but the endurance that it took to do this challenge was something I never thought possible. I feel great, mentally and physically, and I can't wait to see how more of these classes will change me. One day, I will be able to do all 26 poses beautifully and see for myself that practice really does make perfect.

Appetite for Life

Lately, I've taken a career turn and while it's exciting, I definitely feel like I've had to adjust. Wait, scratch that. I am continuing to adjust. My schedule is all over the place and I both like and dislike it.

It's been affecting my appetite for sure. I find that I'm not particularly craving anything nowadays. I would almost forget to eat completely if it weren't for my stomach reminding me painfully and loudly that I need to eat. But food for me has become a duty, and nothing fun. That depresses me.

I love food so the fact that I can't even be roused to enjoy it is worrisome. So today I think I'm gonna try my hand at some baking to see if I can revive some of my creativity. This weather is perfect for those sweet smells that will be emanating from the oven, too. All dreary and cold. Won't you have some tea and biscuits with me?

3 Wills, 1 Abraham, 20 Tracks, and a Dash of Sleep

Didn't get much sleep last night. I ended up staying out later than usual and got into bed waaaay later than I had planned on. Waking up at 4 am sucks, even more so when you're expected to be charming and chatty by 6 am. Anywho...

So I got to see all 3 Wills today. Had morning tea and a catnap with Will 1, had coffee and pastries with Will 2 later, then lifted weights and compared biceps with Will 3. This is quite a moment in history for me. Seeing all three Wills in one day is like checking your bank statement one day to see what all your bills have been paid and you've got more money than you had anticipated. It was a beautiful thing.

In between all that, I decided to text Abraham on my commute home. I quoted a line from All These Things That I've Done by The Killers. "I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier." His response? "I'm totally listening to that song right now!" It was a total psychic moment for us since I was listening to the same song at the same time! Ahhhhh, he said it made his night. Made mine, too. Gosh, I miss that kid.

So I got a mix CD and I'm excited to hear what's on it. I wish I could've listened to it today, but this girl has run outta minutes. And I have to be up early again. Blah.

Hardly Strictly

Lately I've been feeling like the hours in my day get used up so quickly and I fall asleep every night not knowing where the time went. But I know that I must've done something awesome and epic because my body hurts, I'm so mentally exhausted that I can't even think about what my name is, and all I want to do is go out and do everything I can't remember to do again to capture that wonderful feeling of living.

Does it count as living if I don't remember?

To you, I run

I run. I started doing it when I was a teenager. I remember that summer when I was 13 and I started running. It confused my mother so much as to why I, during my summer break from school, would get up early while the rest of the household slumbered to go running. I was supposed to be a kid who slept in late on those hot Central Valley days and only awake to play. Instead I had taken on this intense hobby that my mother didn't understand. Nevertheless, she let me and was always waiting with a bowl of steaming hot rice with a fried egg for when I got back.

After that summer, I came to realize that running made me feel good about myself, it taught me to see my body as a working machine instead of this developing alien form of lumps and bumps, and it made me feel powerful.

My dedication to running over the years has increased and decreased. Sometimes I'll go for months at a time with a strict schedule and regimen, and sometimes for months at a time, I'll almost forget that I've got a pair of running sneakers in the back of my closet that have been collecting dust. It was something I did sometimes and then stopped doing, but I didn't need to explain to anyone because I always did it by myself.

I realized a couple years ago that my willpower to lace up and pound pavement is usually coupled with coping with traumatic events in my life. (It certainly didn't start out that way nor was it ever meant to be that.) I noticed how I started to take back to running when I was going through particularly tough times in my life. This last year, I started running as a way to cope with the major changes in my life. In my head, I rationalized that if I was taking such large leaps of faith with so much, the least I could for myself was take control of my health and try to look good while leaping.

So I started running. And I ran while these changes were made. And I ran while these changes took root. And I ran while life became settled and these changes became the norm for me. Usually this is when I start to lose interest in running because I start to feel that control has returned to me so I start devoting the time which was reserved for running to my new interests.

But it didn't happen this time around. I didn't stop running. In fact, it started to feel like running had become one of these new changes that I had grappled with and had now settled into. It was starting to bring me satisfaction instead of being an outlet for my worries and stress. How did this happen without me recognizing?

I think it was because of you. Before you, no one had ever taken in interest in my "hobby". Sure, it didn't help that it was something I enjoyed doing solitarily, but the fact that you expressed interest and then started doing it yourself showed something to me. You forced me to admit to myself that I was indeed a runner and that was something you wanted to be yourself. It made me feel like something I did for me and myself for so long could be shared with someone. Your interest in running kept me interested.

So I went running today. By myself around the beautiful Lake Merritt. The music was old, my sneakers were old, but now, now I was running for new reasons.

Bad Romance

"I want your love, I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

I want your love, I don't want to be friends"

You and I have been at odds with one another. I'll make you unhappy, then you'll make me unhappy, then we'll both get fed up with being unhappy and try to be happy again for the other person's sake. And we're both pretty good at convincing each other that we're happy.

So that's how it'll go until the curling fingers of unhappiness claws back in, like an insidious smoke that's just been waiting in the wings for the right moment to crawl over us as a reminder that you and I have problems that don't ever get solved.

I alternate between being frustrated and angry or indifferent and aloof. There is so much I don't know about when it comes to us, but one thing I am certain of is that I won't ever let you go. I don't have it in me to call an end to this. I would much rather be with you and unsure than without you and have all the answers.

I don't know what it'll take to make us be in mad, crazy love again, but I'll do anything. I want you, all the good and all the bad. But will you take me just the way I am? Because if you don't, you're going to have to be the one who does the breaking.

An Aberration

You came into my life, charmed me, humored me, and shared yourself with me. Yet, I'm still confused. I wonder, why? So now you've got me confused about being confused. And I don't like that.

What are you to me? What am I to you? What are we?

I've never had something like this happen to me. Decisions made hastily, promises said passionately, and silence that speaks volumes. I know it's not as easy to define us, but I would feel so much better if I knew what you wanted from me. So what is it?

BFFs

I don't know how my friends know when I need them, but they do. It's amazing.

As expected for taking on as much as I have, I haven't had much time to lean back and remember to be. Sure it's exciting to constantly be doing something, and it's great to know that life has direction, but sometimes, just sometimes, you gotta chill. So chill, J Chang.

And then just like that, my best friends, my best peoples, my best loves come out of where I've forgotten they were to take me out for nights full of memories and revelry. Just what the doctor ordered.

I <3 my friends.

How are you?

You go right, I got left. I feel like so much time has passed since we've been. When will we meet again?

Moves and Grooves

So Brendan and I have secured our new apartment. It's a charming little thing in the Adam's Point neighborhood of Oakland. Every so often I think of moving back to Berkeley or out to San Francisco, but no, not right now, not when Oakland holds a big piece of my heart. This is where I learned who I am at the core and how I'm capable of a lot more (and sometimes a lot less) than I think I am. I hella love Oakland.

Nevertheless, I forgot how much I hate moving. Especially because I realize how much crap I've accumulated in the past year. How does one person come to have so many material possessions? I have no idea. AND...this weekend while Brendan and I will be combining those material possessions and cohabiting, it's also my birthday weekend! Eeeeeeeeeee! I'm pretty jazzed about the whole thing. Got the perfect outfit, the perfect itinerary, and the perfect group of friends to be around. Life is pretty awesome.

I year Anniversary

Brendan and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past weekend. It was soooo nice! Everything about it was perfect. We went wine-tasting in Napa, then spent the evening in Sonoma with Josh Marcus and Sarah at Sarah's lovely home. Just the whole vibe of the entire weekend was full of life and positivity. It was great to have delicious meals, lively and educational conversations, watch silly movies and sleep. Gawd, the sleep was great.

Once again, I'm reminded of how lucky I am.

A Day In The Life Of The Fabulous Minka

YAWN

Wake up, stretch, meow in Judy's ear until she wakes up.

WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP

Try to nose under the bed sheet to cuddle. Meow because I can't. Then meow because I'm hungry. Wait until Judy gets up to refill my dish.

Eat some food, stare out the window, eat some more food, and stare out the window some more.

Follow Judy after she's come out of the bathroom and closet. Rub against her black shirt to leave hairs. Then watch her leave.

Eat some food, stare out the window, eat some more food, and stare out the window some more.

Nap. Stretch, scratch, clean. Repeat.

Run to the door as soon as I hear keys in the lock. Meow until I get acknowledged. Sit and watch Judy.

Nap. Stretch, scratch, clean. Repeat.

Bedtime.